Behind the Cast
by The Fabulous Alicia
Summary: The Truth Behind the Yu Yu Hakusho Main 4 men of the cast is revealed in an exclusive behind the scenes look at their lives. Find out what they are really about!
1. Episode 1

Behind the Cast.

Episode 1.

Yusuke Urameshi

The life of Yusuke Urameshi is a tangled web of many things that shouldn't be discussed. But, you are the public, and you deserve to know everything about the secret life of celebrities.

Yusuke, as we all know, did many commercials for the Anti-Drug movement. But secretly, he was the exact opposite of what he portrayed on the television. In his room at night, crying shallow tears, he would roll a joint and smoke, wallowing in his helplessness, until the euphoria from the drug would overtake his mind. After the drug had worn off, he would be even emptier than before. He eventually entered a drug rehabilitation program, where he met Thelma, a 48 year old ex-hooker, and they eloped. She died 3 months later from complications from her Herpes. "If only she had taken her Valtrex," Urameshi was quoted as saying. Now Urameshi is seeing a 12 year old mime by the name of Talulabell.

Everyone knows of Urameshi's famous hand gesture, making a gun with his hand. Well, inside sources tell us that this gesture is actually a gang symbol. He is the leader of a gang called the "Marshmallows".

Though he has his lover, Talulabell, he secretly pines for the love of the "studley" Kuwabara. He writes in his diary every night about his love for him. An inside source brought us a piece to share with you.

_Dear Diary,_

_I went out to lunch today with my dear Kuwabara. I longed to tell him my true inner feelings, but I was so scared of rejection that I just could not. Oh, give me strength, oh Gandhi, to tell the love of my life how I feel. Talulabell is just a distraction from the main attraction, my dear Kuwabara. Oh, if only I could just _ Censored for Indecent Content _in the butt. It would be so right, and feel so good. _This is not appropriate for anyone _my tongue. Someday, it will be, and I will get what I am longing for. _

_Hugs and Kisses,_

_Yusuke muah_

Shocking, isn't it?

One of Urameshi's facinations is women's underwear. He disguises as a women and buys fancy and frilly thongs and bras. He tends to buy either a C or D cup, because he says, "They make me feel prettier and boost my confidence to a new level!" He walks around his apartment wearing these highly expensive items, taking pictures and developing them in his bathtub. He has considered becoming a hermaphrodite, but decided he didn't want to hurt himself with an operation.

Sadly, Urameshi's life was cut short in an untimely accident. One fine morning, he put on his favorite bikini ensemble, and went outside to chase the neighbor children out of his kiddie pool, which wasn't very hard seeing how he was dressed. He put on his water wings, or "floaties", as he called them, and got in. Sadly, he refused to take swimming lessons at the "Y" and resolved to teach himself. He drowned in one inch of water. He's still out in that pool, rotting away, because nobody would dare touch a guy in a bikini.

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((we seriously have pictures!))


	2. Episode 2

Behind the Cast

Episode 2

Kazuma Kuwabara.

The only flaw with this studly studmuffin is that he is not a botanist. Kuwabara, the moronic sidekick of Urameshi on YYH, is actually the hottest man since the Quaker Oats guy. But, his hotness is so intense that it actually melts the film, making him look extremely ugly!

Kuwabara earns lots of money, as any celebrity would, but he lives a modest life, as he only owns one butler. He donates a large sum of his earnings to the Chinese and Russian orphans, and has given himself a place among some of the world's most charitable people.

He was among the Top Five Hottest Men in Seventeen Magazine, Vogue, and People. He was asked to star in many explicit Japanese Hentais, but he declined, mainly because Yusuke Urameshi would be in it with him, and he was deathly afraid of the "crazed sex monkey".

While vacationing in the boring plains of Illinois, he met the love of his life. Her name was Alicia Xhengoyuckatilopiditapiousnesslongintopple. (Pronounced Smith) She was a young Czechoslovakian beauty with large front teeth and bushy golden hair. She was an artist who drew political stick figures and sold them to young children and hobos. She also had a website selling her works to rich young men who were very stupid. It was love at first sight. Together, the two traveled the world.

Kuwabara, while traveling with his beloved Alicia in his private jet, took college courses on the internet. He got a Doctorate in Psychology and Philosophy, and became a famous fashion designer.

This wonderful man was diagnosed with a mental handicap when he was young. The doctor said he would never amount to anything, but his mommy believed in him, and put him into a normal school. He became the one that most children would hit and make fun of, breaking the bones in his face into the most gorgeous sculptured human anyone had ever seen. His mother died of a heart attack when she saw how stunning he had become.

The truth behind the doctor's diagnosis was later discovered. He was jealous of the young child, wishing that he could've been so wonderful. But he failed miserably, and shot himself up with so many immunizations that he died. But Kuwabara always believed he was retarded, so he acted that way, until his darling love opened his eyes, and let him take off the helmet. Later that day, while walking around the orphanage he was constructing, a brick fell from above and struck him on the head. A doctor said, "If only he had been wearing a helmet, he would've made it."

Kuwabara died without a will, and Alicia ran off with the money and became a showgirl at the famous Las Vegas Casino, The Pink Flamingo. She was never seen again, unless you came to see the show or knew her personally.


	3. Episode 3

Behind the Cast

Episode 3

Shuichi Minomora (Kurama, you dumbass)

It's hard to believe that this studly botanist, featured for 4 years in a row on the cover of "Botanist Weekly", was actually a hideous monstrosity when he was born. His spine was too long, and he had a tail. One of his eyes wouldn't open all the way. His right foot was missing. He was born with both sets of reproductive organs, and had the genes for a male and female! His mother chose a boy, and a boy he became. After intensive plastic surgery and the prayers of Gandhi, his mother finally got to take her beloved son home, after 7 years in the hospital.

Sadly, the more and more the young man grew, the more and more like a girl he began to look. His mother began to suspect he was gay, and tried to make him more like a man. She would give him Enzyte injections, trying to boost his confidence. An inside source tells us her first son from adoption was taken away on molestation charges, and she might have been doing that for her own reasons. For young Kurama's twelfth birthday party, she hired five strippers for him, and even brought in a hooker to try and seduce him for the night. The poor boy, who hadn't even hit puberty yet, was appalled and cried so loud the neighbors called the police. The mother was sent to jail temporarily, and the police dealt with the women themselves. wink, wink nudge, nudge

When he was out of high school, he began to experiment. But not with drugs or alcohol, or even with women. No, with plants! He became infatuated with them, and was offered an acting role on YYH. He accepted the role, and met his love partner, Koenma. But we'll speak more of him later. He became a model for porno magazines, surrounded by flowers, to put himself through college, which he never finished. He was majoring in airplane construction.

He also joined an all males choir, being the only known man to sing first soprano. He was fired from that job when he was found drunk outside of a bar, hitting on a farmer's cow. No, not an animal, the farmer's wife.

Eventually, his career took a downfall. He fell down, to his death, in the Grand Canyon. He jumped, leaving one last thing for people. One last picture of him for the cover of "Botanist Weekly". After his death, many readers of that magazine jumped to their deaths as well, he was missed very much. 478 people died in all, all because of Kurama.


	4. Episode 4

Behind the Cast

Episode 4

Hiei

His life isn't as sad as it seemed on the show. As a child, he was given the best of toys and a lots of love.

His grudge against Kuwabara goes way back. Their mothers entered them in a beautiful child contest, but Kuwabara, being the sexy beastly beast that he is, swept the competition. Hiei won second prize, and became very angry towards women, feeling that he had to control them all, since the panel was all women.

Later in his life, he landed a part on YYH. He founded a Chinchilla ranch from his earnings, and raised hairless cats in his basement. Eventually, he began to run a whore house, on nights and weekends, for a hobby. Though whores are usually treated like shit, his whores had the best of accommodations. They would sleep on piles of chinchillas, the softest ones of the herd, and would eat the finest of bread and chinchilla stew. They wore soft chinchilla fur clothing, and got to pick the best of the litter of the hairless cats for pets.

He was definitely known as the biggest Pimp in all of Australia, Antarctica, Indonesia, and North Chicago. (Everyone knows Kuwabara had the South Side). The real reason Hiei looks so hunched over is the vast amount of "bling" he would wear under his dress, which he called a "cloak". The giant "H" which he favored above all, weighed in at an amazing 48 pounds, and was measured at 31 inches high and 28 inches wide.

Being the pimp master that he was, he would be able to run a very successful club/restaurant. In July of some year that nobody cares about, "Shorties" opened its doors. His club had many requirements to enter. People would have to be measured before they entered, and if they were over 5'3", they could not come in. If the really tall people wanted to come in, which they did, they'd have to walk on their knees and be made fun of for being tall. Being short became the coolest thing since sliced bread.

Hiei earned many street names, some of them being: "Pimp Masta G", "H-Dizzle", "Home Slice", and "The Discriminater". He had commandeered the pimping industry when he had overthrown the other pimps. He suffered from a massive gunshot wound but got the culprits back by force-feeding them razors and pouring CLR down their throats. He threw a giant party at his whore house, though he kept the good ones to himself.

He fell in love with a young girl named Gina. She was a whore, and had just been admitted to join the pack at his compound. She didn't know she'd be sleeping on top of chinchillas, and she was deathly allergic to them. She died the first night. Hiei was heartbroken, but the drugs helped him to cope.

Hiei had an odd problem with drugs, but only the kinds that he could sniff. PCP, LSD, Crystal Meth, and many other inhalants. Hiei carried handkerchiefs with him everywhere, each with the letters "P I M P" embroidered on them in gold. He was very defensive about his handkerchiefs, claiming that he was not an old lady.

One night, when he came home, his chinchillas attacked him. They bit him in nasty places, and not so nasty places. They burrowed into his digestive track, and ate his liver. Hiei died a slow, painful, and very furry death.

The cause of the chinchilla rampage was started by the hairless cats, who were very angry with how Hiei was running the place. They bribed the chinchillas with chinchilla-nip and chinchilla whores, and they obeyed. Hiei came home smelling a little different, from a new pimpin' colonge, which drove the chinchillas mad. The bottle read: Do Not Wear In The Presence Of Chinchillas. If only he knew how to read. The cats set the whores free, and took charge of the chinchillas, making an army and taking over all of Antarctica, putting the poor penguins into cruel concentration camps. Quote a Chinchilla, "Insert Chinchilla noise here." We aren't sure what he said, but we're pretty sure it was insightful.

Please, e-mail the authors for exclusive pictures and announcements concerning the YYH cast. ((seriously, guys, we have pictures...))


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